To believe, or not to believe, that is the question...

The term 'God' holds different meaning, value and sentiments in each heart. For some the god is the supreme reality, how things exist as they do, for some it means the ultimate creator of the universe, and for others an entity that sees all and created all. Personally I believe that god is the supreme reality that we humans are an insignificant result of, but that supreme reality is neither a deity nor a mythological entity but just cosmos. Yes I know how it sounds, I would rather believe God is incomprehensible to our consciousness, singularity or just a gas of Hydrogen than believe that it is a comprehensible form. 

        

 Writing this article was unforeseen, so you may wonder why did you start an article written on a whim with the most popular and controversial topic? It all begins with a vacation...

Before I tell you what prompted me to write this I would like to disclose some facts about myself. 

In my 15 years on this Earth humanity has convinced me that God is a topic with extreme ends. I grew up in a pretty normal family (regarding religious conventions, not social conventions- in that case we are pretty weird), my parents indulged in religious practices sometimes, such as on auspicious festivals. I asked them why do you believe in god? My mom told me, you will see when you grow up, believing doesn't take place overnight, it's not you who chooses to, you grow into it. My dad on the other hand told me he doesn't really believe in this concept, I was puzzled, I asked him then why do you take part in praying and other rituals he said because he believes in a higher being, a being which doesn't reside in temples but resides in the nature all around us. 

             This was an interesting discovery, I asked my friends if they believed in god, and why? This resulted in ridicule and several side-eyes. I even asked a teacher if she believed in god, that resulted in being told 'sin x' is the god for students so I should focus in finding out the value of that...

After a long time filled with peculiar questions that made people question about me and my mental state, sleepless nights and various observations, I realised I never disliked the concept of God- just most people's approach to it. People will do the most heinous things then ask for forgiveness. People will walk right past hungry needy beggars and give food to a statue, wouldn't God be happier if he saw us humans help someone out or erase some hungry person's helplessness with the same food we will offer to a statue inside a temple? Give the same money to people who need it rather than just deposit it at someone's feet and ask for something in return? Give words of affirmation to someone who's on the edge rather than repeat chants monotonously a thousand times? They call it devotion I call it an escape. The same people will go to temple everyday and donate god knows how many rupees and then come home and beat their wife, or children or do something that doesn't really align with their 'devoted ways' and yet give themselves a pat on the back, because its all okay- they have a few prayers in the bank.    

    

I know why most people believe in the concept of a supreme being watching over us...because it's easier to believe rather than admit that we all are just walking on a tightrope called life up above without a safety net. They call it god I call it a concept of hope...

God is what provides us hope when all hell breaks lose, it's a lifeline when your boat is nearly capsizing, you think you have someone on your side when life has turned against you. So I know why people believe- because it's scary not to. It's scary to think you have no one rooting for you, no one watching you when you have nothing. It's scary realising that we are just an insignificant part of the magnificent universe, something which we try to understand, something regarding which we don't even know about how much we don't know. Maybe we're just a stitch gone wrong on the fabric of universe. 

                We don't know the reason behind The Big Bang, so when we do not know the creation of the universe then how can we try to determine the creator? I've also spent many nights thinking about how people have created the concept of 'God the almighty creator' (something evident from the dark circles engulfing my eyes). What I think is that maybe we humans created God because, as I said we tell ourselves that there is a safety net below the tightrope we just can't see it, or maybe, adding- 'This is a work of fiction' wasn't a thing back then, and we're all victims of mass prank or a genuine mistake. 

       Now you may wonder what provoked a 15 year old girl who should be texting her friend to meet up, to write something so...idiosyncratic? 

As I said it all began with a vacation, we were ecstatic to go to Udhampur, J&K, the mountains, the greenery, the water, grey sweaters, a nice change from the grey sky in Delhi. However when we arrived there was significant downpour, we told ourselves it's okay, it'll get better tomorrow. That tomorrow never came. Water started filling up the house, warnings regarding cloudburst and flashflood started filling up the phone. I've seen natural calamities on the news, documentaries and movies, being at the taking end instead of the watching end was a real eye-opener. (I'm the type of person who petitions to have seat belts on the bus and trains, you can imagine my reaction to the SMS saying high risk of cloudburst and Udhampur and other near locations). So I did the most logical thing I could think of- I slept. I slept to escape reality to escape worries, the rain started seeping through the roof, the pure cacophony of it pouring so harshly on the tin roof acted like the background music in the movie right before the protagonist dies, (sharing these type of grim thoughts with your mom will surely result in a 'flying chappal'). One night the rain was so bad, and the notifications so ominous that they sought to scare a person to death, that I for the first time, prayed. I prayed that we all make it out okay and alive, even though I didn't disclose my fear to parents, looking back on it I realise I was a bit overdramatic. There was me pleading god to let us be, and then there was my dad busy with the stock market sans worry, my mom engaged with the wet clothes sans anxiety. After we finally made it out of Udhampur I gave myself an internal reprimand for resorting to praying. I've always been against the entire notion however when it was out of my hands I needed hope I turned my scared needle towards God, the supreme creator (The hydrogen gas cloud couldn't obviously help me at that time). Then I realised maybe it's an inherent trait, and only some manage to lose it those who have the courage to accept that only they themselves are in control of life. 

To believe, or not to believe, that is the question.

Maybe the answer is to only believe when you cannot do anything else. 

If there is a god the supreme creator I hope this article doesn't bar me from entry in heaven...